Too much analyzing makes one sound depressed

About time for another post, I suppose.

Honestly, I even forget that I have a blog for weeks at a time. I guess that's better than obsession with it. :)

I'm finally starting to be useful at work, fixing bugs in some of the software. Believe it or not, I don't mind all the testing and such. I like being able to see my changes at work--to know I'm actually accomplishing something. I wonder if I'll ever grow beyond being performance-driven. Even trying not to be performance-driven is a type of performance...try to wrap your mind around THAT! :)

Pretty soon I'll start being more involved with church and maybe a campus ministry. Right now, though, I still don't have much to do in the evenings. I've been watching episodes of Monk (first 3 seasons--Christmas present from my brother), reading Oliver Twist, and playing video games. Exciting life, don't you say? Someday I'll go to the zoo. It's only a dollar for Winter Wednesdays. James has invited me to a couple concerts, but I've been out of town both times.

I'm restless, but also scared. It takes so much effort to establish oneself in a new place. I really am shy in new environments, and it drains me emotionally to meet people when I'm the new one. I very much want to know/control what they think of me, and I usually assume the worst in that respect. I always feel I have to prove myself, and that's difficult when I don't have a clue what I'm doing or who I'm trying to impress.

Woe is me! Haha. This is sounding worse than it feels right now. I'm going to stop analyzing and get back to my young friend Oliver Twist. Goodnight, all.