One Month Later

So....yet again it's been a while.

I can however blog about what I wanted to blog about last time: Danny and Becca are "praying about dating"! Except that now they actually are dating, and everybody knows, and now that it's not a secret it seems silly to talk about it much. But I'm still very excited for them.

I know that I learned a lot this summer. The hard part seems to be making it all a part of my life NOW. I've been very up and down emotionally since I've been home. Some days are great, some I'm semi-paralyzed by depression (thank you for things that are not optional that make me get out of bed in the morning/afternoon like work), and many are spent in front of the TV (near the bottom of the scale). Few are mediocre.

My quiet times have also been inconsistent--hmm, wonder if there's a correlation--usually about every other day. But realistically, that's the same or better than this summer, when I had a very rigid schedule and was forced to manage my time.

I am still very performance-oriented. If I get a lot done in a day, I feel like it was a good day. If I don't accomplish all that I overestimated myself to do, or don't accomplish anything, I feel like I'm a horrible person. Anybody out there identify? And since I haven't gotten a whole lot done, I feel kinda miserable most of the time. I still have not learned how to transition well, and I have not learned the value of being still. Even in my "quiet times" I feel that I need to constantly be doing something, reading something, writing something, saying something. It's hard for me to just say, "God, I'm here," and wait for Him.

On another note, I figured out why I've been dragging my feet about starting my career. It's because deep down I fear that getting a "real job" means that I am officially giving up on getting married and having a family, which is that last thing I ever want to give up. God, I am going to have to trust You even more in this stage of life. Statistically, the odds are going to be a lot lower that I'll meet somebody who shares my values and will lead me, but You are a God that defies statistics.


This blog is getting uber-long, guess I'm making up for the last month. The truth is, I forget that I even have a blog. Jules says I need to add pictures. So here's a picture:

Roger is very Jolly.