The end of the world as we know it

That's right folks...prepare yourselves for the end, for the unimaginable has happenned...I have a boyfriend!

Ok, so maybe it's not that unbelievable, but it still kinda is to me. And we've been dating over 2 months now (yeah, I'm really slow about this blog). His name is James and I will write more farther down, but first...

Other things I've failed to blog about in the meantime: I found a new roommate, Melissa, who moved in while I was in Brazil. She stayed until May and moved out in preparation for studying abroad in Australia. Then I found roommate #3: Pam, who moved in shortly after Melissa moved out. I haven't gotten to spend much time with Pam, because right after moving in she was very busy with her sister's wedding. Shortly after the wedding, I started dating James and I wasn't around the apartment very much. Pam is usually already gone for work by the time I get up, and she often doesn't get home until I'm already asleep. But I know she lives here because clean dishes get dirty and dirty dishes get clean. A few other inanimate objects move around as well.

Now back to James: he and I have actually known each other since 6th grade (14 years as when I'm writing this), and though we haven't necessarily been the closest of friends over the years, we have kept in touch and basically kept up with each other's lives. I went to KU, he went to KState. After college, he moved to Wichita about 6 months before me, and was one of the few people in town I knew. He opened his circle of friends to me when I was without peers, and because we have a lot of similar interests, we naturally started hanging out more and more (especially since January). I was finally the one who brought up the subject (in April) and told him, "It's ok for you to pursue me, if that's what you want to do." It took him about 2 weeks after that to decide (or to tell me) , and our relationship officially began on April 18, 2007.

It is very new and very strange for me in many ways. First, it's hard for me to believe that any man would want a relationship with me. At least not a godly, intelligent, handsome man like James. I have a lot of insecurities that have built up from years of lonliness and not thinking I was good enough.

Second, I'm so used to being his friend, that unless I make an effort to remember that he's my boyfriend now, it's easy to start acting like he's "just a friend" even when it's just the two of us. Not that it's bad to slip into "friend mode" because I do really value our friendship, but I do want to make sure that he knows he is special to me, and that I don't take him for granted.

Third, the fact that we have known each other so long--to know that I've been alone for so long, and he's been right there the whole time--is kinda spooky. I don't know whether to be mad at him, myself, or God for taking so long, or whether to laugh it off and consider it a great story. Generally though, the positive feelings outweigh the negative feelings right now and it's hard to be mad at anybody.

Fourth, this isn't how I expected a relationship to feel. I was expecting thunder and lightning and sleepless nights and butterflies in my stomach and a lot of nervousness and awkward silence around each other. Not to say there hasn't been any of that, but our time as friends has really boosted the level of comfort we have with each other. I know his beliefs and his character and I trust him. And most of all, I believe that he really does like me (the first paragraph being more from my perspective, "how could anyone like me?" vs this as "I believe him when he says he likes me"). I'm not worried about impressing him or doing something wrong and losing him, and it seems the feeling is mutual. Though it would be nice if he did try to impress me from time to time (bring me flowers, hint, hint).

It's getting late, and I've got some Eureka to watch. I'll try not to wat 5 months before I blog again.