It's my birthday!

I'm officially 25 now. One quarter of a century. I love how on facebook everyone writes on my wall for my birthday. Never for anything else, just my birthday.

I want to write something deep and meaningful, but then again, I'm not really in the mood. Anyways, this day hasn't been particularly birthday-ish. I had a party on Friday and that felt more like the real thing. Today: no celebrations, no soul searching, no presents. Just a day.

I'm trying to go overseas for Christmas. I have so little time off now that I'm working, that I really want to take advantage of it and use it for God's glory. I asked Becca if I could visit her in Indo, but she said no. Then I tried for Malawi, but Danny said no. I've got 2 families who have responded positively--one in Brazil and one in Papau New Guinea. I replied to them today to get more info so I can pray about whether either of them are the right opportunity. I almost want to contact someone I know in Israel and see if I could go there. But I have trouble making decisions sometimes, and maybe I should just concentrate on the choices I have before me right now first.

Speaking of prayer, I have really been struggling to be disciplined lately. Both in my quiet times and prayer life, and as far as physical discipline--diet and exercize and even getting out of bed in the mornings when I need to. I haven't gained any weight back, but I haven't lost any since Kyle and Lydia's wedding back in August. I don't know why it is so hard for me to get motivated to do the basic things I know I need to do. Part of it is lonliness setting back in.

My roommate moved out a couple weeks ago (I realized today that I haven't blogged about her at all). I really do believe that God made us roommates, but I'm sad that I didn't have more of an impact in her life, and I'm sad for the choices that she made. But as other women have encouraged me, her story isn't over yet, and my example may still play a part in her life. I do have to say that I have felt more freedom since she left--not just to have things the way I want them in the apartment, but to express my faith at home. Unconsciously, I have really been holding back for fear of offending her or making her feel that she could never meet the standard I had set. She has expressed multiple times that "I'm not as good a Christian as you are, Claire", and used that as an excuse to do whatever she wanted to do that deep down she knew she shouldn't be doing. That was the reason I had to give her an ultimatum--change your behavior and your attitude or find a new place to live--and she chose to leave.

Since then I've been rearranging the furniture and busying myself with errands and trying not to think about the fact that I'm roommateless. The dogs have been a blessing to me to keep me from completely withdrawing. But even so, I really long for a sister, to be mutually encouraged in our faith, and just to talk to and to drag me out of the apartment sometimes. I am searching for another roommate, but thus far have been too busy getting ready for my birthday to really put much effort into it.